How did I get here?

I used to hate making logos when I was in university, and now I’m a brand designer. All thanks to burnout, Topical Steroid Withdrawal and a lot of reflecting.

Feeling lost is probably a right of passage.

I remember being 18, sitting through a lecture in my first year of university about logo designs throughout history and thinking “Ohh, well how hard could it be?”

Turns out, much harder than you’d think. And considering that I was previously a top student who actually loved going to school, being bad at something really hurt. Between the naivety of being 18, being told that my work was “wrong” and the pressure of wanting to prove myself for choosing a creative career, I ended up hating logo design and saying I’d never do it again.

Falling into something because I was good at it.

Cut to my second year of Uni, when I discovered 3D animation and became completely obsessed with it. It felt like something I was good at, maybe partly because I was the only one doing it in my course, and that made me feel good. So I fell into it, even if I was on a graphic design course, and I spent hours during school and in my own time getting better and honing those skills. I enjoyed spending most of my time learning about 3D because (I realise now) I wanted to impress people with the skills I had at my age. And I did! During my last year of Uni, I got an award from my course and before I even graduated, I got a job offer from the design studio I dreamed of working in.

Everything seemed perfect, until it wasn’t anymore.

It took me less than a year at my dream studio to burn out. I was pushing myself day and night to prove my worth again - and there was a huge mix of pride and frustration and joy and exhaustion. It felt like the standards I had to reach had been placed too high (even more so when I now look back) and if I wanted to be great, I had to make my life about work. That’s what so many of my colleagues did, and they’re incredible at what they do.

The thing is, I’m not like that.

I am absolutely a hard worker, and I have been all my life. But tipping the balance to favour work over life made my health crash and burn. I had just started my journey through Topical Steroid Withdrawal (a story for another time) and the stress I felt around work made my skin health deteriorate so badly that I was getting an average of 7h sleep per week. I was constantly in pain, anxious, fatigued and probably not a joy to be around, even if I tried to stay positive. That was when I eventually realised that I was not like most of my coworkers and I had to step away.

It was honestly one of the scariest things I’ve had to do.

I felt ungrateful, lost, tired. I didn’t know what I wanted to do next but I know I needed to take a minute to let my nervous system calm down from all the built up stress. With the luck of having a wonderful support system, I took that time to think of what I really cared about in life. Health, travel, freedom, peace. That led me to freelancing. Here, I can organise work around my health needs instead of sacrificing my health. I can choose the kind of people and business I work with and make sure that they align with the impact I want to have on the world and on my soul. And I can feel more at peace with systems and goals that work towards my own dreams, rather than someone else’s.

So how did I go from hating logo design to being a brand designer?

What a jump, I know, but I realised during this journey that I don’t want to fall into anything - I want to make conscious decisions about my future. That meant reflecting on why I didn’t like certain aspects of graphic design and realising that it was solely because I didn’t feel like I was good at them. And I see it happen all the time: people choosing to do what they’re good at, rather than what they’re passionate about. All it took was perseverance, learning about brand identity as a whole (rather than just logo design) and the positive impact it can have, and a decently long time of trial and error. Lo and behold, now I love being a brand designer, and all the perks that come with it. I won’t say it’s stress-free, because nothing is, but it has afforded me the chance to live more intentionally, which makes it all so insanely worth it.

So if I had to give one piece of advice to finish up...

I’d tell you to be more thoughtful about what you’re spending so much of your life doing. It can be scary to step away from the comfortably uncomfortable, but it is so worth it when you invest into your own health, freedom and peace. Even if it’s difficult and uncertain at first.